I've been a bit unlucky in love, always. And extremely unstable.
The one guy I loved while still in my college, cheated on me and I was never able to quite fall in love the same way. Much later, I thought I could fall in love yet again, but that guy ran like the wind when I told him, he wasn't my first. I was only being honest. Stupid of me really. Damn stupid. And after that, I married a guy on a whim. Biggest mistake of my life.
I had baby with him too. God, I love my child. All said and done, she is the only element in my life that keeps me going. My life is hers.
In spite of which, every now and then, I feel the need for love. My husband is an egoistic fool, doesn't know how to treat his woman. There is no love there.
Recently, there was someone, yet again, I thought I could fall in love with. Something that will never happen though. I feel empty and depressed at the thought. I feel like a stupid teenager all over again. Why is it that I can't grow up? Why do I need to be in love? What is love? Stupidity in the head, that's what it is. I want to shut out these ridiculous feelings and concentrate on what I have to do. Can't seem to though. Life is slipping out of my hands, and I can't seem to get a grip of it.
I'm bottling up my feelings for now. I don't know what way they will come out. It scares me sometimes.
