In this post, I just want to look back and think about my marriage. Because a lot is happening on that front. My husband filed for a divorce and I am fighting for my child's custody.
When I got married, I didn't think it would last very long. Even back then, I was very aware that my heart wasn't in it. But as days went by, I thought, let me give this guy a chance, because my father had told me, my husband and I could be a very happy couple if only I gave it a chance. So I did. But nothing happened. It just kept getting bitter. He forever kept leaving me in the cold, mistreating me, yelling and screaming, insulting me. So why would I want to stay with a person like him? I thought, now that I have a child, I should stay for the sake of the child. He thought, now that she has a child, she'll stay no matter what.
Noway that was going to happen. After taking me for granted and repeatedly insulting me, I was not going to stay with that selfish bastard, and I wasn't going to let that man's issues and problems fall on my child. He had a problem with my success. He wanted me to give it all up and stay at home and be his servant. He started to feel inferior. He had to keep insulting me to feel good about himself.
When I asked him to hold on and think with a cool head, he refused. Selfish man that he is, he filed for a divorce. He thought he could get rid of me and marry a younger, dumber girl, who will spin her life as per his requirements.
When has life ever been fair to women....? Recently there was an article about Indra Nooyi, PepsiCo's CEO. When people asked her kids if they'd want to be like their mom, they said no, because she was never there for them. Had it been their dad, they'd have said, oh yea, because dad is so successful. Women have to be apologetic for their success?! Seems like women have to be apologetic for having a brain.
I hope my daughter never says that. I want her to soar, and be apologetic to none. Also, not expect me to feel sorry about choosing a career.
As far as love is concerned, I have gotten used to letting go. Even if I feel an intense connection, although I might obsess for a while, I can get over and let go. Its become common place. So even when some one comes along, and I feel a strong stirring, I know that if I give it enough time, it'll pass. That's what love is to me.
It'll take one heck of a man to make me believe in love again.
