Ended before it started :(

The New Guy is tricky business. He clearly doesn't want anything beyond a casual summer fling. But the things he does, and says, make me feel like he is purposely shutting out his emotions. We were talking last night, and I said, I find him detached. He simply got up and stormed out. Later he texted to tell me that he indeed feels detached and we shouldn't talk of a relationship again because he is emotionally unavailable right now. He says he has too many family responsibilities on him and he couldn't and wouldn't do anything other than what his parents expect him to do.

He is a sound guy, mature, and a very deep thinker. But the possibility of a long term relationship is something that I projected on to this relationship. Otherwise, there was no possibility in reality. The connection that I felt was probably just my imagination. He was hardly interested in me. Hardly. And now, he is in no way interested in me. He is very aware that both of us are not on the same page and I don't think he is the kind who'd pursue something the ain't real. It ended even before it started.

There was one other time this happened. When I liked a guy a lot and thought there was a possibility of love and a real thing. I was honest with him and he backed out.

I have been honest to the New Guy too. He backed out as well.

This just tells me that I shouldn't be honest about my feelings. Honesty is not the best policy after all.

That aside, now I am really confused as to what I feel for this New Guy. In a way I feel like I lost another shot at love. I feel like may be he was never the right guy and I saw him that way only because of my projections. I feel sad at the same time, I feel neutral. I feel empty. I don't know if that makes any sense.

Feels like a break up without it being an actual break up of any sorts.  

Love, I miss you.

After I drafted the last post, the New Guy came over for a few drinks. He got a friend along. We had a fun evening. Then he left with his friend very abruptly. I thought he just left. But he came back! And we talked. He flirted, and it looked like may be he had some feelings for me. And the next few days he seemed fine; smiling at me every time he saw me, talk to me briefly. But again, he is back to not talking, texting; I have yet again become invisible to him. And I've spent hours after that, thinking of him. He is clearly not interested in me.

I am so tired of not being wanted. I want a real, loving relationship. Clearly this is not the guy. I wish it was him, he is so different; not afraid of the society. But it matters to him what his parents think, so may be, he won't be too unconventional. So yea, he is not the one. I guess, if I tell that to myself frequently enough, I will convince myself that he is not the one and won't think of him in that light anymore.

I really wish I have love in my life again. I miss it sooooooo much :'(

Love, where are you? 

Life happens

I've been a bit unlucky in love, always. And extremely unstable.
The one guy I loved while still in my college, cheated on me and I was never able to quite fall in love the same way. Much later, I thought I could fall in love yet again, but that guy ran like the wind when I told him, he wasn't my first. I was only being honest. Stupid of me really. Damn stupid. And after that, I married a guy on a whim. Biggest mistake of my life.
I had baby with him too. God, I love my child. All said and done, she is the only element in my life that keeps me going. My life is hers.
In spite of which, every now and then, I feel the need for love. My husband is an egoistic fool, doesn't know how to treat his woman. There is no love there.
Recently, there was someone, yet again, I thought I could fall in love with. Something that will never happen though. I feel empty and depressed at the thought. I feel like a stupid teenager all over again. Why is it that I can't grow up? Why do I need to be in love? What is love? Stupidity in the head, that's what it is. I want to shut out these ridiculous feelings and concentrate on what I have to do. Can't seem to though. Life is slipping out of my hands, and I can't seem to get a grip of it.
I'm bottling up my feelings for now. I don't know what way they will come out. It scares me sometimes.